Thought of the Day

In the last few years a peculiar pattern has emerged where sensations in my dreams coincide with episodes of sleep apnea. Last night I experienced what is undoubtedly the zenith of these occurrences, as a period of apnea took place during perhaps the most outlandish dream I've ever had. I dreamt I was at a comedy club and Maggie Gyllenhaal was doing stand-up there. Yes, Maggie Gyllenhaal was doing stand-up comedy and I was in attendance. Suddenly I felt an itch in my mouth and found a strand of hair on my tongue. When I pulled the hair out of my mouth it was much longer than expected, as it extended down into my throat. I proceeded to pull the Rapunzel-like strand, hand over hand, out from its apparently cavernous origin somewhere in the depths of my intestinal tract and began choking in the process. My frenzied struggle drew the attention of the entire comedy club, including Ms. Gyllenhaal, whose act was derailed by my shenanigans. Just as I thought I was going to pass out and collapse into the pile of jet black hair collecting on the floor, I woke up from my quasi-nightmare gasping for breath. "Another one of those, huh?" I thought, for this wasn't the first time I had the "Rapunzel" dream. Although sometimes it's the "50-meter Floss" dream or the "Endless Itchy Rope" dream. This was the most memorable of all, however, thanks to the appearance of Maggie Gyllenhaal's comedy routine. I guess she was bombing so bad my subconscious initiated the choking sequence to distract the audience and wake me up, simultaneously saving both me and Ms. Gyllenhaal from further embarrassment.